Hello and welcome back to Five Things I Ate! This week, my diet is absolute trash lol. Read past posts here, and please follow my Instagram, @fivethingsiate that I rarely update lol.
Lay’s French Onion Dip at Target
Also most grocery stores?
I am not going to lie to y’all, my loyal readers. I am having a Hot Girl Summer, or rather, I am attempting to socialize and put myself out there for the first time since 2020, and while my outfits have never slayed harder, my diet has never been worse. Like a cicada, this burst of socializing happens in a cycle of approximately every 5 years (yes I know cicada cycles are longer, I come from a Bug Family, I am just using this metaphor). That frankly makes this newsletter hard to write, because I either have to fess up that I’ve been surviving on 5 hours of sleep every night and Lay’s French Onion Dip and Coke Zero or I have to not write at all. So I decided I’m just going to write about Lay’s French Onion Dip. And later, I’ll write about Coke Zero. Now, I completely understand that neither of these things technically qualify as food. But I freaking love Lay’s French Onion Dip, the dip that has 4 out of 5 stars in its Amazon rating. I don’t think it has a single recognizable ingredient lol. I mean technically maybe it’s just canola oil and corn syrup and salt maybe? I don’t care. I love it. I bought a jar last week and more nights than I care to share with you all I’ve eaten it, along with Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles for dinner. It just tastes really great to me.
Coke Zero at Everywhere
It’s literally everywhere. Except when they have Diet Coke and not Coke Zero, which sometimes happens and I hate it.
I can’t believe I’m going to share this on this reputable paper of record, but I love Coke Zero. Okay. Actually the best Coke Zero is Cherry Coke Zero which for some blessed reason my workplace stocks (even though it does not stock a single other soda). (Thank you, colleague who did that!) Coke Zero is also probably not a Food. It’s 100% fizzy chemicals. All of them are probably cancer-causing, as is the sole act of being alive, and using anything plastic at all, or putting on make-up. The number one rule of Hot Girl Summer is to not think about long term consequences as much as you can avoid it, so I like to drink Coke Zero. I don’t drink Coke Zero because I’m scared of sugar, sugar is my best friend. I drink Coke Zero because it is the single most indulgent drink I can think of, because it is clearly so bad for me, and yet I love how it tastes. Don’t even come at me with Diet Coke, which is so much worse somehow. Also, did you know that Coke Zero still has caffeine? I also love caffeine. Chef’s kiss.
Nola Shakerato with oat milk at Blue Bottle
In the new(ish) Moynihan Train Hall.
Oh my god why is this coffee EIGHT dollars?! I know inflation and all but this just feels insulting. I feel like maybe I would pay eight dollars absolute max for something like boba coz at least it has built-in snacks which makes me pretend it’s a food group. But no this is just a coffee. I mean it’s sweet and tasty but it’s not mind blowing. Remember when Blue Bottle was hip? Now it’s owned by Nestle or something. Life comes at you fast. Just like your dollars leaving your wallet when you order the Nola Shakerato.
Roasted vegetable sandwich at Primo! Cappucino
Penn Station.
For three more dollars than a Shakerato, you can get a sandwich at Penn Station. If you’ve been on the NJ transit, Aka my home, you’ve walked past Primo! Cappuccino before. It looks like a bad deli. But this sandwich— roasted eggplant, carrot and pepper with a slice of mozzarella and a pesto schmear on rosemary focaccia— was surprisingly good! I only went here because the Pret was closed but I might stop by next time. Ask for it toasted.
Spicy chicken sandwich at the Fat Rooster
MetLife Stadium.
On Sunday I went to see Metallica at MetLife Stadium. I am by no means a number one fan but as part of the Hot Girl Summer creed I am trying to overcome my social anxiety and say yes to things. So somehow I found myself on the floor right next to the stage because a friend of a friend of a friend worked in lighting. Can I just say that I’m so effing impressed by the stamina of people 10-30 years older than me?! I actually had to take a time out and sit by myself in the fake grass for 45 min because I was tired but all those olds were still going. During my timeout I decided to procure some food but all the food stands were shutting down so I stood in line to get a fried chicken sandwich, which was not my top choice. A middle aged Metallica fan with very bad tattoos then proceeded to point at me and said OMG is that a cat tattoo?! And I said yes because it was. He then proceeded to show me his (very fuzzy) cat knuckle tattoos and told me he volunteered at his shelter on Long Island and said my Pepsi was on him. Except he got scammed because I also ordered a very overpriced spicy chicken sandwich, a small price to pay for the recognition of his tattoos. Anyways the chicken sandwich was awful. I swear it was burnt to a crisp or something. I immediately threw it in the trash and never saw that man again. Anyways Metallica was great!
Stay hot but also cool,
Soph
Thank you for this very real post! 😅