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Can spicy food save my soul?

Welcome to another 🔥spicy edition 🔥 of Five Things I Ate! If you’re new, check out past posts here, and please follow my Instagram @fivethingsiate.

Khao Soi Nuer at Ugly Baby

407 Smith St, Brooklyn, NY 11231

It’s a rainy spring night in the quiet part of Brooklyn, and somewhere before last call, a small woman in a red raincoat sits at the end of the bar alone. In front of her are a steaming bowl of beef curry noodles so spicy it makes her eyes water, and a single can of beer. Admittedly, the circumstances that brought her here are less than ideal: Harassed out of her last seat at the bar by a drunk man before her food even arrived, she could think of no better solace than spicy food. Before closing, the restaurant is a softer, blunted version of its usual bustling, trendy self. Even the waitresses, young Thai women in Forever 21 get-ups who are known for being just a little curt, are nicer. “Sit here as long as you want,” one says. The kitchen is creating its last masterpieces of the night, this time, for itself. As the waitstaff and chefs sit down to family dinner, I unroll my paper napkin, which is pink and printed with pictures of kittens, finding myself exactly where I belong.

Miser wat at Makina Cafe Truck

Roaming locations, check @MakinaCafe on Twitter

Usually when I order spicy food I know full well what I’m getting into, but every so often even I fall prey to a spicy surprise. The miser wat from Ethiopian-Eritrean food truck Makina Cafe was my spicy surprise this week. I guess I should have suspected something was up when I ordered an extra topping of awaze (chili pepper sauce) on top of my lentils, which were listed in English as “spicy red lentil stew,” but alas, hubris has felled greater mortals than I. Once again, I find myself sitting at my desk, pretending everything is normal, when in fact, my stomach is not. Anyways, stay safe out there this weekend folks, and make sure to think twice before adding extra spice.

Guacamole Takis and Presidente at my friend’s place

Get your own at your corner bodega

I have a confession to make: Until this week (or was it last week?), I’d never eaten Takis without also drinking beer at the same time. This may or may not be a holdout from a college trip to Cancun* where I was first introduced to Takis, but it’s also because Takis pair amazingly with beer. I want to open a high-concept bar in Williamsburg that’s just fancy hipster beers paired with different flavors of Takis, and if you’re reading this and steal my idea I want a 80%** cut for the rest of my life. Also, guacamole Takis are great with Presidente beer. I know Fuego Takis are the ones we all love and sing about, but I want to give a shout-out to my more mild-mannered green flavored friends, which also have the upside of being less corrosive to the stomach while still remaining zesty. Taki taki!

*Even nerds have to go through some College™️ experiences!

**This is my first percent sign since the AP rules changed and boy is it a thrill to type.

Carvel birthday cake at my friend’s place

Wherever birthday parties may be found

We’ve officially entered the cool-down portion of this week’s spicy newsletter, and there’s no better way to cool down than with ice cream. I love ice cream in all forms, I love layer cake, and I effing love nostalgia (like a good Millennial), so Carvel ice cream cake is the magic trifecta for me. I don’t know why blue frosting tastes so good, but it has that perfect food-coloring je ne sais quoi flavor. Also, you haven’t really experienced the love of the people until you’re a person who pulls out a Carvel cake at a birthday party.* Forget improving your public speaking skills; to draw crowds and cheers pick up a cake from the freezer section of your grocery.

*Which I wasn’t.

Mung bean jelly salad at Woorijip

12 W 32nd St, New York, NY 10001

I wrote about Woorijip in last week’s newsletter, and if you don’t want to hear more about it, I’ve got bad news for you pal: I’m going to write about Woorijip until I’ve tried every item on their buffet menu, which is surprisingly hard because they keep changing it up.* Anyways, this week’s item of the week at Woorijip is the mung bean jelly salad, which I know sounds like some disgusting 1950’s Jell-o mold gone Korean, but is in fact a light and elegant delicacy. The “mung bean jelly” in question isn’t jelly as in jam, but more like liang fen cold noodles in Chinese cooking. I’m not sure what they put in the sauce at Woorijip, but it’s addictingly salty and vinegary, the perfect cool-down snack after lots of spicy kimchi. There’s a recipe on Maangchi that I might take a crack at some weekend when I’m feeling ambitious — but please send me your tips and/or family recipes!

*A very clever tactic for attracting repeat customers.

Stay warm and dry,
Soph